


Friend of Mine

by The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight



Series: Celestial Songs [5]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: AkuSai Month 2020 (Kingdom Hearts), Angst, Celestial Songs, Frenemies, Game: Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days, Implied Sexual Content, LeaIsa Month 2020 (Kingdom Hearts), M/M, Mention of Roxas and Xion, Musical Prompt Playlist, Songfic, Songs of the Sun and Moon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:41:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25255570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight/pseuds/The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight
Summary: Even when everything is falling apart, Axel still can’t help but fall into Saïx’s arms. And it’s even better when Saïx doesn’t push him away. When Saïx pulls him into him. Holds him close. Caresses him. These moments when Axel forgets that he’s Axel and he forgets that Saïx is Saïx. He forgets until it’s too overwhelming not to remember.
Relationships: Axel & Saïx (Kingdom Hearts), Axel/Saïx (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Celestial Songs [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1820650
Kudos: 19





	Friend of Mine

**Author's Note:**

> Song Used: "Traitor" by Flyleaf
> 
> July 14th, Day 8 of AkuSai/LeaIsa Month 2020

_Pull your window down_

_Tinted glass is hiding your eyes_

_It’s your favourite disguise_

_You don’t make a sound_

_While you’re taking me for a ride_

_Holding secrets inside…_

“The hell do you mean it’s not good enough?” Axel asks. He’s trying his damnedest not to raise his voice. Not to freak out. It’s late and they’re not even supposed to be here right now, but— “I did exactly as you said. I followed your instructions—”

“Lord Xemnas changed his mind on the matter,” Saïx says without so much as batting an eyelash.

“Lord Xemnas—? Hold up, this was supposed to stay between you and me. So, what the hell does this have to do with him?”

“I approached him for a small dose of advice.”

“ _Advice_?” Now he really doesn’t know what to say. This had started out as a mission for the two of them. He isn’t sure how or when their so-called Superior got involved. “C’mon, you’re not making any sense.”

Saïx clasps his hands behind his back. “What do you not understand?”

Axel hates when the other holds himself like that. He hates that position. The formality of it. The patronisation of it. “This was meant for you and me. No one else. Besides, since when the hell do you go to _Lord_ Xemnas for advice?”

“Since when do you keep secrets from me?”

He’s taken aback by this—Well, he can’t necessarily call it an accusation. Saïx isn’t in the wrong for calling him out. But it’s not like Axel doesn’t have a damn good reason. “I’m not keeping anything from you. Everything I find out, you find out.”

Saïx scoffs. “Do you take me for some kind of fool?” He takes a step closer to Axel. “Well, don’t worry, because has already Marluxia told me all about the conversation you had with Xigbar.”

He’s almost at a loss for words again. “I’m sorry, have you lost your mind?” He shakes his head. “Marluxia has had it in for me since the day he arrived. Why the hell would you believe a word he says about me? And why the hell would I be plotting with _Xigbar_ , of all people? I can’t stand the guy.” He takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down again. “You seriously need to take a step back and get your priorities straight. Get them in line with mine.”

“And what are your priorities?”

“You,” he says. “You are my priority.”

Axel waits for a response that he knows won’t come. So, he takes this opportunity to walk away instead. Saïx had wanted the last word, but he dug himself into a hole instead. Tch. _Do you take me for some kind of fool_? Clearly, he is a fool. An idiot. But if this is the game he wants to play, then fine. Axel can play along, but he’ll make up his own rules.

_Traitor, this is my life_

_I’m too strong to lie down next to a mastermind_

_Traitor, every time_

_I’ll no longer keep you a friend of mine…_

They can never stay away from each other for long. No matter the disputes or the brawls, they always come running back to each other. Because, from the beginning, Axel has only ever had Saïx, as Saïx has only had Axel. All they know is the other. In every way and form. Every inch. Every dip and curvature.

This is their way of holding on. Of reaching for what’s already long since been lost to the darkness. Tangling with each other in the dead night. Battling for dominance. Merging into one. It’s all they can do to give themselves some semblance of emotion. They pretend it’s real. The longing. The desire. The outdated love. For a moment, they’re able to forget. With no coats, it’s easy. No sounds save their hushed moans. No sight except each other. And for a moment, everything is perfect. For a moment—

The solace never lasts long.

Axel lay on his side, his eyes closed and relishing in the feeling of Saïx’s fingers gently tracing up and down his back. Following his spine. He doesn’t want to open his eyes. Because when he does, he knows he’ll be hit with reality. The reality of the Organisation. The reality of their so-called existences. The reality he wishes could truly just be some nightmare.

“I spoke with Lord Xemnas about Marluxia.” Saïx’s voice soon cuts through the silence.

The breath catches in Axel’s throat. “Could you maybe _not_ mention his name while we’re in bed together?” He pauses as he turns to face the other. “And what are you even talking about?”

“About how Marluxia tried to frame you.”

Another pause. Except now he sits up. “Why? Because he made up some bullshit about me plotting with Xigbar? I doubt he was trying to frame me.”

“What does it matter?” He follows suit and also sits up. “You said yourself he hasn’t liked you since his arrival. So why are you now trying to defend him?”

“I’m not defending him, I just—I don’t see the point in saying anything to Xemnas.” He lets out a heavy sigh. “What is this about? Why are you bringing this up now?”

He reaches out and brushes a strand of Axel’s hair behind his ear. “You’re right. There’s a time and a place.”

Nothing more is said. Saïx lays back down, but Axel remains sitting up. That was…odd, to say the least. Part of him wants to question it, but another part of him wants to just let it go since Saïx never lets anything go anymore. Hmm… But then a third part of Axel doesn’t trust the conversation. There’s something off about it. He takes a deep breath as he strokes Saïx’s hair. Another time. For now, he’ll let himself enjoy this rare night.

_Tell me once again_

_How’d you build a kingdom of trust?_

_It’s beginning to rust_

_And where have you been?_

_Promises were never enough_

_They collect in the dust…_

“You’re getting too attached to them,” Saïx says. Axel holds back an eyeroll. “Don’t let them ruin everything we’ve worked so hard for.”

His eyes widen as he faces the other. “I’m sorry… _We_?” He can’t help but let out a scoff with an incredulous chuckle. “Please, _I’m_ the one who’s done all the dirty work. You’ve just sat back and watched while becoming Xemnas’s puppet.”

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t act all offended. You know I’m right.” He shakes his head. “Why the hell do you trust him? Why do you believe every word he tells you? I mean, c’mon, he’s manipulating you. He’s—”

“Be careful what you say about our Superior.”

His expression darkens. “Is that supposed to be a threat?” He steps up to Saïx, closing the distance between them. Saïx may have a broader frame, but Axel still towers over him. Is able to look down on him. “What? You gonna rat me out to our _Superior_?”

Saïx shares a heated gaze with him for a short moment, before tearing his eyes away and looking towards the ground. “You should know better.”

“Better…than to what? To speak out against Xemnas?”

He takes a deep breath before lifting his gaze back to Axel’s. “You should know better than to believe I would cause trouble for you. Unlike what you have done for me.”

“I’ve done all I can for you. You’re the one who chose Xemnas over me.”

“And you chose a puppet over me.”

“Don’t call her that.”

“It. Nothing more.”

He clenches his jaw. “Don’t you dare shift the blame on me. Okay? This is your fault. The moment you agreed to pit Roxas and Xion—”

“You’re the one who pushed me to that by pushing me away.”

Another accusation. And Axel knows Saïx still isn’t wrong. And he hates that. He hates that this is what’s become of them. This. Adversaries. Two empty shells of broken people. Nobodies.

_Traitor, this is my life_

_I’m too strong to lie down next to a mastermind_

_Traitor, every time_

_I’ll no longer keep you a friend of mine…_

Even when everything is falling apart, Axel still can’t help but fall into Saïx’s arms. And it’s even better when Saïx doesn’t push him away. When Saïx pulls him into him. Holds him close. Caresses him. These moments when Axel forgets that he’s Axel and he forgets that Saïx is Saïx. He forgets until it’s too overwhelming not to remember.

Axel props himself up on his elbow and observes Saïx’s sleeping form. It’s not often the other falls asleep so soon after they’re together. It works out in Axel’s favour. Carefully, he slips out of the bed. He then struggles to quietly fit back into his pants and grabs his discarded coat. He glances over his shoulder back at Saïx. He knows he’ll get hell for this in the morning, but he can’t spend the night. And this is the best way for him to send a clear message. No matter how much it hurts. How much he pretends for it to hurt.

He opens the door just wide enough for him to slip through. He then holds his breath as he closes it slowly. He squeezes his eyes shut, resting his forehead against the door before pushing himself away. For the first time in his existence, he wishes his room wasn’t so close to Saïx’s. He wishes they could be miles apart. Worlds apart. The distance between their absent hearts is already far enough; their physicality may as well match it.

He makes it into his own room but doesn’t get far from there. He leans against the door, sliding down it. This is what it’s come to. When Saïx awakens alone in the morning… It will automatically change everything. For good. For the worse. Tch. Axel shouldn’t care, but he does. Hmm. He still has a chance to go back. To sneak back into the bed in the next room over. He can pretend he never tried doing this. Pretend everything is okay. He can pretend—

No. No more pretending. No more acting. He’s sick of it. Everything is not okay. It’s far from. And this is the only way to get his point across. He has to keep reminding himself of that. He has to tell himself that Saïx will understand someday. Yeah. One day they’ll—Well—Ugh. Damn it. This already isn’t easy. Hell, he thought it would be simple. That it wouldn’t matter. It wouldn’t mean anything. It shouldn’t.

He shouldn’t feel guilty. Upset. Regret. He shouldn’t feel anything. Nothing. That’s not the case with Saïx, though. Despite the last heartless decade, Saïx still makes him _feel_. An overwhelming amount. Every emotion from rage to bliss to sorrow. Loss. Despite it all, he knows he’s lost his best friend. He knows Saïx is too far gone. There’s no getting him back. So, if this is what he has to do to separate them—to separate himself—then so be it. It’s what he’ll do.

Maybe Axel will regret this tomorrow. Or maybe he’ll regret the day after. Or two weeks from now. Three months. Four. Or maybe, if he’s lucky, he won’t exist long enough to ever regret it at all.

_Traitor, this is my life_

_I’m too strong to lie down next to a mastermind_

_Traitor, every time_

_I’ll no longer keep you a friend of mine…_

It takes a good few days before Axel gets a moment alone with Saïx. So much has gone down at the Castle in such a short amount of time; he can barely keep track anymore. He’s sure Saïx has had a lot of cleaning up to do and that’s why he hasn’t seen much of him, but he also can’t help but believe there’s another reason. That Saïx has been avoiding him more than anything. Not that Axel has necessarily been jumping up and down for the other’s attention, either.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Axel greets him, trying to keep the atmosphere from getting tense.

Saïx barely acknowledges him. “Yes?”

He slows his walk. “What?”

“What is it you want?”

He swallows hard. “Just passing by. Don’t know what’s got you so riled up.”

He scoffs. “Don’t be such a child. You know exactly what.”

“Didn’t think it would bother you so much. Y’know,” he shrugs his shoulders, “not being able to have any emotional attachments and all.”

He presses his lips together, clasping his hands behind his back. “Don’t get me started. I have sacrificed more than you could ever know to make sure we would both survive as long as we have. And how have you repaid me—?”

“By doing all your dirty work and helping you rise the ranks,” Axel says. “I thought that had been made clear already. You wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without me. And it was supposed to benefit us both. Instead, you just let the power get to your head and let me fall behind.”

“You’re alive, aren’t you? I wouldn’t call that _falling behind_.” He steps up to him. “But you won’t survive much longer if you keep interfering the way you are.” He squeezes his eyes shut, cocking his head to the side. “One more wrong move and Xemnas will turn you into a Dusk.”

“He won’t do it.” Saïx opens his mouth to make his retort, but Axel holds his hand up. “He’ll make you do it.”

There’s a flash of… _something_ in Saïx’s golden eyes. Axel can’t quite place a word to it. But it’s better than nothing. Saïx swallows hard. “I would never.”

“You would. You do anything Xemnas tells you to.”

He shakes his head. “I would still never harm you.”

“It’s okay. You’ve shown me exactly where I stand.” He nonchalantly waves him off as he starts to take his leave. “And I get that I’m no longer at the top of your priorities.”

Now Saïx scoffs. “Like I’m still at the top of yours.”

_(Traitor, traitor, traitor)_

_I’ll no longer keep you a friend of mine_

_(Traitor, traitor, traitor)_

_I’ll no longer keep you a friend of mine_

Axel stops dead in his tracks. Tch. Except Saïx is. Always has been. Always will be. Not that he would expect him to understand this. “Don’t you worry,” Axel starts, “I have my priorities straight.”

Well, sometimes priorities include secrets and betrayals. But, hell, he’s doing all this to protect Saïx. He’s doing this because he believes it’s for the best. For both of them. And he can still care for Saïx without being his friend. Because that man standing there with the golden eyes isn’t his friend. Not the best friend he wants, at least. Not anymore. He’s a stranger. A puppet. And Axel refuses to fall for any of it. He refuses to be manipulated alongside him. He refuses to be deceived. So, he’ll continue to play the game by his own treacherous rules until he can find a way to free Saïx. Even if that means becoming the enemy. Because Axel already knows that, one day, it will be worth it. More than worth it. Especially if it means seeing his best friend again.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow the event on twitter and tumblr using #CelestialSongs
> 
> twitter: @/LadySage08  
> tumblr: the-clock-strikes-twilight


End file.
